I guess I just need the right place to tell my story? I'll make it as brief as possible. I've always known I've had some sort of imbalance. Largely, it stems from a classic narcissistic mother. I began taking out her abuse on myself when I was 12. I asked for help, and she said no, that I'd been faking it. Fast forward five years, and my mental health was really suffering. I was crying one night, for a reason I can't remember. A friend had worried I was having thoughts of ending my life, so she called the house phone. Over and over. It rang and rang. Nearly 7 years later and the ringing of phones freaks me out. My nmother, as opposed to checking on me herself, called the police. Years and countless specialists later, no therapist has been able to make sense of this. Much of this night exists in my memory in pieces, but I do remember the sirens, the red and blue lights. I remember the doctor I was forced to see in the emergency mental health facility was wearing a beige colored blouse. That's all. Yesterday, the conversation I had with the police officer in my room came back to me in a memory suddenly, while I was making coffee. It scared the hell out of me. Another year, and many different medications later, I was misdiagnosed as bipolar. I was immediately put on high doses of heavy duty antipsychotics. Perhaps since this time (I'm now 23) I've taken twenty different mental health medications, many of which have taken a toll on me. I think (although I can't prove it and have no memories to back this up) that Paxil led to my demise. I was committed to a psych hospital, for a total of three months. There, I was exposed to some really frightening stuff, including harsh sedatives, neglectful nurses and doctors, and patients that were both a danger to others and themselves. It was honestly the scariest thing I've ever experienced, it was a state hospital that I (later) learned has a bunch of malpractice suits against it. I walked out of there three months later unable to cope with the outside world. I don't remember a whole lot, but I do know that it's because of this experience I am sent into panic when a door is slammed. That's what I remember most, the slamming and locking of the big heavy doors behind me. I was so medicated with unnecessary stuff, that I have lost the ages of 18-19, for the most part. My current psychiatrist, who I really like, has said this is probably for the best. My big concern is as follows: The memories are coming back from these years, and I'm unable to cope. The horrible things that occurred in the hospital, the volatility of my family during this time, and the general unease I have felt since. Loud voices, noises, lights, or any disturbance sends me into a tailspin. I can't handle violence on TV. I am completely anxious and distraught, virtually all of the time. My biggest concern is because of this experience, I am afraid to have to go back to a mental hospital in any capacity. It's been years, and I still have an inherent mistrust of mental health professionals, afraid that with one slip of the tongue I'll be body slammed back into inpatient (which is pretty much what happened.) I feel, from what I've researched, that I'd really benefit from EMDR. Would I be a good contender for a treatment such as this? ​